why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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