I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
