i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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