slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
