He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
