but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
