Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
