Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
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