Pants 0. Shit 1.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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