He uses pillows to masturbate.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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