That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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