I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
