My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
