About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
