sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
