I CAN MOONWALK!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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