is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
