I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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