God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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