im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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