I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
