Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
