As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
