oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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