you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
