you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
