My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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