Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
third nipple confirmed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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