I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
