I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
