the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
