shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
