just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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