bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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