HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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