I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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