i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
