There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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