Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
