u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
