You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
