walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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