I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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