I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
