Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
