miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
