$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
