I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
