If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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