We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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