My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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