I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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