the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
