So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
