I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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