i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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