i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
