well I can't set my house on fire every night
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
