I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
