I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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