As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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