so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
