I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
