Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is it because I queefed?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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