so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
