When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
