What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
